he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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