I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
