Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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