Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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