you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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