He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
