if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
