paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
