Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
