How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
