dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
