You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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