My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
