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She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
