No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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