I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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