One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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