he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
