My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When did angry sex become our thing?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
