You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
