There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
