i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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