Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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