the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im having a threesome with these popsicles
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
