Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
