If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
