dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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