Non-Jews are for practice
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
