Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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