She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
