I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
