I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
