So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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