I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
