Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
