He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
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