are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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