what day is it and did you see me today?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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