yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
