Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
