So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
