I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
