If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The adults are the big ones right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
