Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
