It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the condom got lost in my hair
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
