Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
