I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
