i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
