He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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