just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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